dimanche 20 avril 2014

Letter to Gina, with love!

Dear Gina,

This open letter has been a work in progress for some time. Draft after draft, tossed out after each new revelation comes to light. I’m going to tell you upfront that this letter is not an attack nor is it meant to be anything short of…what do you say? “dealing in the truth”. Yes, you make everyone believe, I hope you can too!

I’ve had the privilege of being intimately involved in the life you work very hard to portray. The glitz, the glam, the fucking hair and makeup alone deserve their own applause. The shoes, the dresses, the height on that hair! The smell of that signature cheap perfume (that’ll be important later so let’s move on) in the atmosphere that is so Gina.

Let’s start with barrister status. You’re a public defender. Don’t deny it. You’ll never be the other Gina who you’ve shared a press article with (she discusses winning cases, you discuss closed toed shoes). Bravo to you for that little stunt! You have a law degree but I’ve spoken at length to various individuals (all who volunteered to identify themselves if necessary) and you’re still just a public defender who represents many of the sample people who fight for you online. “I’ll pay your bail, can you use Twitter?” – Shocker.

Care to shed any light on that? Are your cases so high profile that even the media cannot begin reporting? Doubtful, princess, doubtful indeed.

Though on good authority from an invaluable source, you definitely have represented that real estate mogul/lover of yours. Let’s move on to that. You left him open for speculation almost instantly.

We’ll call him “Dave” (he has a business too, so I’ll be fair). Well “Dave” has a past. I’m sure you know after all you were there for much of it. “Dave” also runs a few powerful empires (did he bankroll your spot on the show?). Well the day you magically flew off to FLAHRIDAH (that’s Florida for anyone who can’t get over Gina’s dialect and if you’re a Gina fan then I will clarify Florida is in the United States, I know it’s difficult to catch on).

Back to that day, you did NOT go to Florida to see “Dave” because you were upset. You had plans prior to filming to see “Dave” and go on a little holiday. Silly, they must’ve edited that part out of the show for ratings. FAIL. After all, a powerful man like “Dave” would definitely be fucking anything that moves in Miami. We could ask around but why get sidetracked?

So you trashed a cast mate for how many episodes about the truth and “Dave” cheating? Nice work! You scored fans and ratings with a few clever lies. Did you feel good about that? Shitting properly on the new girl to the group? Your true colors (Google: LinkedIn Gina L, CEO) were evident to anyone with a brain.

Onto brains, you are a brilliant legal mind! You roped in Foxtel and everyone involved into a neat little contract where you get to behave badly, feed your ego, literally ruin lives and then tell producers…WAIT HERE IT COMES…

“I’m a barrister, edit that out or it will ruin my career as a BARRISTER.”

I was on the other end of a call the first time I heard that neat little trick. Isn’t that fun? You took responsibility for hundreds of lives the day you forced your hand with that contract. Cast members, staff, down to the person who runs to get coffee on set. That’s cute; you just swooped in and made it your show. Care to deny it?

Oh the show itself, this little franchise of horrors indeed. So you had some friends it seemed. They all behaved badly (Thank you Foxtel/Arena for the editing job that is so poor if you freeze frame and replay minutes of dialog at a time from multiple episodes you can in fact get the real filming for most of the cast). Well you didn’t like anyone who wasn’t interested in you. They aren’t interesting either day in and day out so no loss.

The new girl was mean (no she wasn’t…”Dave” is powerful and has money, sluts love that, so blame “Dave” not the angel lady who sees shit). It’s not what defines her…….

Your ex-friend the skincare queen, well she just loves her fucking self and is making a list right now. So you decided she was the best bet to shit on. I know having a husband and father of her three babies (wait where’s yours?) is upsetting for the mother of a few men’s offspring (children are off limits according to you, so I’ll move on.)

By the way, Amazon sells a little thing called a micro camera, you should’ve thought long and hard at who you spent time with when we got that little bit of footage! (Bad Gina, talking nonsense.)

Oh there’s the moron who married money. That’s alright, Gina, she was your friend but you were a little boring by episode 3 so you shit on her too, that was fun. I think she actually called you family but we know that’s a lie because you barely knew her. Oh well she’s probably getting her car repainted and flying in her husband’s plane. Stupid “sex” fiend. I guess you hate that you lease your Benz and “Dave” sends you a Qantas ticket when the local US whores get boring.

Your oldest on all front’s friend, the diamond baron cougar, well she loved you a lot but she’s a bit old and forgets and she forgot to back you up after a long day of filming, so you had it with her. Wahoo to her, she’s free of you.

Am I off basis yet? You know the recorded phone calls are fun too. Those may not be legal but people on set look at you for a reason, Gina.

Who’s left? Oh yes. The syrupy sweet catering queen. I like where you both bought, YES BOUGHT FOLLOWERS for social media from the same damn company so you achieved 10k+ status simultaneously. We’ve used the app, Gina we know you needed to look special and be a winner at Ginaville so you helped out your only ally. Did you tell everyone that you have dirt on your friend the queen of cake? It hardly seems fair that her husband has to take the fall if she stops filming with you. Applause for Gina!

So Foxtel, we can’t say much to you but we could ask Gina, which employee on the daily is threatened with legal action to get her way: from the President of the group to the poor bastard who cleans up her fake tanner. It’s always someone else’s fault isn’t it? I’m crying, hope my mascara stays.

Regarding these recorded calls and videos. Did you know one of your cast mates is so paranoid that she had a pinhole camera on her at the reunion? I hope you’re starting to feel a bit ugly inside. You have a special way of deepening your voice when you’re being crude. It must really be effective in court. Is it Gina?

As for that “C” word that everyone goes on about. Let’s touch on that a bit. Is that okay, Gina? So you’d never use the word (you have repeatedly), you think your friend Botox Boobs Betty is a C, you didn’t apparently call the prostitute the big C, oops! You did call her a hooker though, that was charming. You may have said something really heinous about the ex party girl but she’s forgotten until the other cast members grill her and she sings like a jail bird (did you like that?). If you’re going to be crass, just own it. No one cares. You’ve got a “C” (well I hope you do, your love of the drag queens is precious) and you never fail to mention your obsession with the hooker’s “VAGINA” but that’s probably all editing too. Am I off base yet?

I really liked you at first. I shook your hand and thought this is the epitome of what this show will represent. How right I am. Representing criminals, “C”s, fake tanner (you use the beds too), and barely credible storylines, hundreds of crude ruthless fans who have resorted to physical violence for their queen and of course representing the true you.

Will the real Gina please come forward and believe her own bullshit for a minute? Will the real Gina please ask her followers and criminal cohorts to stop threatening cast members (oh it’s recorded princess, you fucked up BADLY) and fans of other “teams”?

Will the real Gina stop fucking SMOKING CIGARETTES ON SET then filming a whole episode and discussing your illness? Shame, Shame, its Gina’s game. You smoke and spray yourself down with that rancid perfume to hide it. There’s a 35% chance you forgot about perfume comment from earlier, well it’s back!

Gina, will you please just accept that your ego and eyeliner have corrupted your brain?

Just know we’re watching, we’ve seen all of these silly ladies but we’re watching you because you like that. You love the attention. You needed to feel special and you bought fans, shit on “friends” and got fucked over by the real estate mogul just to feel good.

Love Always,

Your Biggest Fan

PS: I still love you, I just really wanted to see YOU not this nonsense on air. What a shame, you’re just not that special without your sideshow!